Submitted Families

Transcript

This transcript was generated automatically from the audio and may contain small errors.

It is a central truth that parents are going to train their children according to the world as it should be. Let me say that again. Parents will train their children according to the world as it should be. In other words, parents tend to pass on the ideals that they have almost without knowing. So if you believe that people should be peaceable, then you will probably raise very mild children, but those children, those same children will be a little confused by violence.

If you believe that people are inherently good, then you are probably going to raise children who explore freely, but who have a tough time with restraint. If you raise children, if you believe that, if you teach your children that you cannot trust anyone, then you are going to raise very skeptical children who are gonna find it difficult to trust anyone, just like you've taught them. In this light, it is easy to see why scripture discusses how parents and children should interact. Why, whenever we start talking about parenting, when you and I start throwing out our opinions, okay, then people are gonna get offended pretty darn quick because we parent children according to the way that we believe the world should be. And so when somebody wants to criticize that, they're telling you, no, that's not the way the world should be. That's not the way that you should train children.

In our series, Life Submitted, we've been looking at very practical ways to live a life that is submitted to the Lord. We've been looking at some practical ways like last two weeks, we've been talking about submitted husbands and submitted wives. In particular, marriage is tough in particular. And we've been looking about how that submission works where husbands are laying their lives down for their wives and wives are submitting to their husbands, they're giving themselves to the husbands. We have this mutual thing where wives and husbands are continually just laying their lives down for one another and they're outdoing one another in showing honor. I realize that that is not the norm, okay? Please hear me say that, that if you struggle to do that, if you are not in that situation, for whatever reason, I'm not trying to tell you that you don't belong or that God doesn't love you

or that you need to get out of here or you're not spiritual or whatever. I'm not saying any of that. What I'm saying is that this, the way that God designed marriage to work, the way he designed a church to work is for us to submit to one another in love, right? That even whenever Jesus is talking to the disciples, he says don't use your power like the Gentile rulers do. Use your power, don't throw your weight around. That's actually where we get that expression, throwing your weight around. It's whenever Jesus is talking to the disciples about how not to lead. He says don't throw your weight around. Don't let your gravity just kind of bowl over people and tell them what to do. Don't rule over people like that. Don't lead people that way, but let yourself become a servant. The last will be first. If you wanna be the greatest, then be servant of all. That's what Jesus is talking about with his disciples

and that's what we're talking about with leading our families, husbands. That's what we're talking about with raising our children. That's what we're talking about with all of this. And so today, parents and children, and I will throw one more caveat. It's for all parents and all children, okay? So if you are a child of somebody, probably are, then this is applicable. If you are a parent of somebody, then this is applicable. Let's get into it. Ephesians 6, chapter six, verse one, it says, children obey your parents in the Lord for this is right. Now it does say more than that, but it definitely says that. Obey your parents in the Lord for this is right. It's saying children aim to do what your parents say in the Lord, obviously. If your parents are asking you to sin, don't do it, because that's not in the Lord, right? Okay, so obey your parents. Do what your parents say in the Lord,

and this includes children of all ages. This is across time and across geography. You've had many situations where there are multiple generations, either in the same home, on the same street, in the same vicinity, right? And you know as well as I do, if you've been around, you know that there's something that your mom or your dad can say that will trigger you, or will set you off in a particular capacity. It doesn't just kind of float around. When they say something, it's not as if anybody else would say something. It carries more weight.

Children, obey your parents. And over time, obedience, straight obedience, kind of morphs into honor, okay? So my mom is here in this worship service today. She lives with us, and there are things that my mom can say that I'm not gonna tell her right now. That would just, I mean, I'd sit straight out, I would do it, right, because she's asking me to do it. However, I am not judged, I'm not answerable to God

to be obedient to my mom, okay? It's different, I'm not 10 anymore, okay? However, I do answer to God for how I honor my mother. Right, and so those aren't the same thing. Sometimes you actually need to disobey your mother to honor your mother, okay, we don't need to get into that right now, but it is to say that when you get older, obedience turns into honor. If any of you have had children who have grown into adults, you understand this dynamic. Personally, you've kind of seen it happen. If you're a child and you think, man, one day, I'm never gonna answer my parents again, I got news for you, okay? I got news. They're always gonna be in your life in some capacity, and you're always gonna need to honor them in some capacity. It's tough. Parents, it's probably good to hear that at some point, you're not gonna be kind of in charge that way, but you will still need to behave in an honorable fashion.

Right, don't make it difficult for your children to honor you, okay? Parents obey your parents in the Lord. Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. I wanna look at the tone here, because the tone here, and then the rest of the verses, there's about four verses dedicated to this. The tone here is, look, just be obedient. Nowhere are you gonna find the scriptures talking about heart motivation with children, okay? In other words, it's not saying obey your parents out of a cheerful heart, okay? It doesn't say obey your parents and delight in them. You know, like, it's gonna be so great. No, it does not say that. It says obey your children, excuse me, obey your parents for this is right. A couple of things I think this helps us understand. Number one, for children, and if you are, listen, if you are a child, here I realize all of our grade schoolers have just left,

and we still have some high schoolers in here, it's great, but even if you are an adult child, or even if you're kind of like in that weird stage where you're graduating from high school, you're still living with your parents, or you're still, you know, like, it's just, you kinda really don't know how the dynamic is supposed to go. Let me just say, children, you do not always need to understand why. You don't always need to understand why. It can be helpful, but it's not always helpful. Sometimes you say why, and you get an answer, and you don't like that answer, right? Because it's not about you needing to know why, it's about you needing to somehow approve of whatever is being commanded you, okay? And you don't need to approve that. You don't get to approve that. Why is that important to understand? Well, it's important to understand because it's also true of our relationship with the Lord,

right, parents and children alike, we don't always get to understand why. Things happen in our life that are seemingly pretty bad. We suffer sometimes for months on end, years on end, decades on end, and we do wonder why. There's no sin in asking that question. You can read a third of the Psalms, and they'll ask that exact same question. They'll say why. How long, O Lord, are you going to be silent? How long, O Lord, will the enemy rule over this land? How long, O Lord, will you wait to deliver us? How long, in other words, God, are you busy? Are you not paying attention to what's going on? That mentality is at least in part birthed out of this need to understand why. It's hard, it's hard to understand why. In fact, this is actually why we get the next three verses. It gives us kind of a promise in there. So Ephesians chapter six, verses two and three, it says, honor your father and mother.

This is the first commandment with a promise, that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land. This is Exodus chapter 20, verse 12, or as you and I know it, the fifth commandment. Okay, honor your father and mother, that it may go well with you, and that you may live long in the land. Honor your parents so that you can live long and prosper. Okay, Star Trek fans. That's what I'm just saying what it's saying right there. Okay, honor your parents so that you can live long and prosper, okay, that's what it's saying. Children in their command to do something because it is right are also given a promise, a long-term promise. And look, we don't need to treat this like a contractor, like a business exchange or anything like that. It's simply this, that when you are obedient, that will lead to a long and happy life. The Lord will see to it, right?

In other words, if you are a kid, you can say, okay, I don't get it. I don't like it, I don't wanna do it. I don't wanna do it now. I'd rather do this other thing now, but I can obey my parents in the Lord. Why? Because I have a promise right here, that if I'm obedient, if I honor my parents, it's going to go well with me, and I'm going to live long in the land. In other words, the overall sway of these two verses is that children can obey happily because you're trusting God for your future. You can obey happily because you are not trying to put a stranglehold on whatever needs to come next. You can obey happily because you know that you are inviting God into establishing your future, and that will be a good thing, not just for you, not just for your children, but for generations to come. And you are taking part in that. You can have the confidence to obey when you don't get it.

Even if you think your parents don't understand, even if you don't see the logic behind it all, you can say, God, I trust you. I don't like this. I don't wanna see it. I'm frustrated. I'd rather it go a different way, but because it's going this way, I'm going to sit there, I'm gonna swallow it, and I'm gonna trust you that it's going to work out later. In the same way that children do not always need to understand. Parents, let me speak to you here. You don't always need a justification that your child can grasp. There's a lot of pressure internally on parents to issue a command and explain why. Now, that's not always a bad thought, but it is to say it's not always necessary, because sometimes even after you give the explanation, it still doesn't make sense, because it's not about making sense. It's about doing what they wanna do instead of what you wanna do. Parents, I know you.

I've listened to you. I hear you. I've felt this. You wanna have good justification for what you're telling your child to do, and you wanna kinda prove it to them. You want them to see it too. You think it's part of their training, but I'm telling you, I'm telling you, if you follow that string all the way down, it's a fool's errand. You can't always provide that justification. They're not always gonna get it, and that's true if they're two or 22. They're not always going to get it. You don't always need to have your children's logical approval for whatever you've told them to do. Sometimes you can say, listen, I've lived twice as long as you. I've traveled this road down. This is exactly what we need to do, and it's what we're gonna do, whether you like it or not. I don't recommend that for the first conversation you have about it. Maybe that's the fifth, but you need to know

in your own spirit, sometimes, man, you just have to call the shot, and it's done. It's hard. You have knowledge from living and learning. Stand on that. Don't stand on their understanding. You have authority that is given to you by God. Stand on that. Don't stand on their understanding. Don't stand on their agreement. They can't get it sometimes. It's almost unfair to ask them to understand what it is to be a parent. Well, you know what it's like, 10-year-old boy, to be a parent. Okay.

You don't always need that justification. Next verse, it says, in Ephesians 6-4, it says, fathers do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and the instruction of the Lord. This gives us two things to notice. First, although it could have easily said, parents do not provoke your children to anger, it does not. It says fathers, which is interesting. Fathers are singled out here, usually, because fathers function differently than mothers. Moms, you tend to lean into nurture, and providing what they need emotionally, and that's really good. Fathers, you lean into spurring your child on. Okay? You do know what spurs look like?

Spurs have spikes on them. Spurs hurt. You put spurs in the tender part of the horse, and the horse moves. To spur one another on, to spur your children on, sometimes you are creating situations that make them frustrated. On purpose. On purpose. Kids, listen to me. Your parents are gonna do things to make you uncomfortable on purpose, and it's not because they hate you. It's not because they think that you don't know what you're talking about, or they think that you're somehow, whatever. It's actually because they love you, okay? It's actually because they love you. It's because they know that when you get out of their house, the place you're gonna land is a lot harsher than where you are right now. And so fathers typically,

fathers typically are going to provoke their children. And fathers, let me just say, as a blessing from the Lord, provoke a way. Do it. Do it knowing it's for their good. Do it without apology. Do it. Because, man, just personal story here, my parents got divorced when I was eight, and my stepdad came into my life whenever I was 11, about to turn 12, okay? And God bless you stepdads out there, God bless you, okay? You carry a mantle that few carry, and I appreciate you. My stepdad came into my life, and we could not be any more different, okay? He was steady on, he was, from my perspective, at 11 and 12 and older, he was super boring and not fun to talk to. And he just wanted to be in the yard and mowing all the time, and I'm like, let's talk about ideas. It just didn't work, okay? We were not peas and carrots, okay? I didn't like the fish, okay? I'm not trying to work out all that,

but something happened when I was 21 or 22, man. I just, I don't know how or why, but I counted as a blessing from the Lord. It was like he took a two-ton boulder and just let it land on me. And it was only then that I could see that my stepdad came in and gave, he was 40 years old. He gave up being a 40-year-old bachelor to raise two boys, 13 and 11. So two boys, through their teenage years, share his money with them, divide his inheritance with them, things that he had worked on for decades, and he did it just because he loved me. Like, what an amazing thing. You know what I didn't know until I was 21? All that. It took me until I was 21 or 22 and about to leave the house to be able to look back and go, oh, okay, I get it, I get it. What a huge thank you. What a huge sacrifice. I get it. For some of you, as you are raising children now, you have to understand that one day, one day,

it won't be now. One day, your children will be able to look back and be able to say, I get it. They might not do it in front of you. They might not tell you about it, okay? But you can know that what you are doing now will provide something later for them even if they don't thank you for it. Jesus had a great little saying. It says that wisdom is proven right by her deeds. I love that. Because in other words, it takes the pressure off of me of proving myself right. Parents, your actions, if done in love, if done for your children, if done unto the Lord, will be proven right one day. It's just not gonna be today. And your children may never tell you about it, but I'm almost positive if you are an adult now, you've been able to look back on your life and you've been able to see something your parents did for you that you did not understand then that you totally appreciate now.

Amen? Yeah. If it happened for you, you can trust that the Lord's gonna do it with your children. Stay the course. Fathers, don't provoke your children to anger. Provoke them, just don't provoke them to anger, okay? Don't do that. Fathers, you can have a way of twisting screws a little bit. You can have a way of just spurring too hard. You don't need to draw blood when you spur, okay? Don't spur too hard, but be able to, when you spur, be able to love them through that moment.

Don't get them so riled up that they can't see straight. Don't provoke them to anger. It doesn't do them any good, even if in your head, maybe it seems like it's gonna be a good thing. That's the first thing we need to see. It was given to fathers in particular. And the second thing we need to see in the verse is that really it says, but bring them up in the discipline and the instruction of the Lord. This is really for both parents. I realize it's directed to the fathers, but anywhere you look in the Old Testament, a lot of other places in scripture, you're gonna see that this is something that fathers and mothers do differently, but do together. They raise their children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. An older version of that would say, to raise your children in the fear and admonition of the Lord, which is the, I think that's King James. That's how I learned it.

The parents, your aim is instruction in the Lord. In other words, good parenting, according to the Lord, is children who can obey him. Not necessarily children that you would consider to be productive members of society. That's not your goal. Children who look, think, act, marry like you. That's not your goal. What's your goal? Your goal is to raise them in the instruction of the Lord. Kids trained in the gospel.

Let me just say one thing here. I think this is helpful. Parents, you are not peers with your children. Parents, your goal is to not ever really be peers with your children like that. And here's what I mean. You can be friends with them. That's fine, that's not really what I'm talking about. What I mean is that the relationship you are in with your children is you are in a developmental relationship with your children. And that relationship with them is unlike any other kind of relationship out there. You're in a developmental relationship. It is not covenantal. It is developmental, okay? In other words, you have training in mind. You are in your relationship with your children. You are teaching lessons. You are rewarding behavior. You are disciplining, okay? Those things are things that you do not do in any other kind of relationship you have. Maybe if you're a manager, it's similar,

and we'll actually get to that next week. But you don't treat other people the same way you treat your children. You shouldn't because that relationship is special. Husbands and wives don't have a developmental relationship. They have a covenantal relationship, okay? Husbands and wives, they are focused on self sacrifice toward one another. Parents and children are not compared to Christ and the church like husbands and wives are. It's a different kind of relationship. And if you could be friends on top of that, glory, okay? That is icing on the cake. But our calling is to raise our children, to develop them, to train them in the instruction of the Lord, okay? So how do we do this in real time? I wanna give you an illustration and then I wanna just kinda help you see this. I want you to think of children like arrows, okay? You got an arrow, you got the feathers on the back

for straightening, you got the point on the front for sticking, okay? It's long and thin, it's aerodynamic, okay? Children are like arrows. You got three things, if you're gonna shoot an arrow, you have to restrain them. You have to pull them back. You can't always give them what they want. You have to restrain them, you gotta pull them back and then you have to steady them. You have to aim true. You have to steady them. And then you have to let them fly.

Over and over and over and over again until one day they fly into their own adulthood. So let's put some substance to that illustration, okay? Submitted parenting, okay? This is like handling development. What do we do here? Submitted parenting. You need to restrain your child. You need to restrain them. You need to give them standards. It doesn't mean you need to restrain them just for the purpose of restraint. It means that you need to restrain them from doing things that would hurt themselves, right? In an age appropriate way. You need to restrain them. You need to correct them when they are doing wrong. You need to reward them when they are doing right. And you need to have expectations of them and you need to be able to live that out.

It doesn't mean that you're perfect. And we'll talk about that in a minute. It doesn't mean that you're perfect. But it means that you are supposed to have expectations of your children that are consistent with what it is to love people. It's consistent with the gospel. As an example, if a father says to a son, like, I want you to work hard. I want you to be diligent. I want you to complete this job all the way through. That is a reasonable expectation for a child. A boy from about age 10 on.

If you tell a boy age 10, you teach him how to mow the lawn and you say, I want you to mow the whole lawn. I want you to do it to completion. You should be able to do it. And I'm not some childhood expert. That's not like I'm not in a journal of psychology for that. That's just lived experience. Most 10 year old, 11 year old boys need that kind of discipline. Honestly, it's the reason why team sports are really good for kids because it helps them understand rules, restraint. It's not always your turn to bat. Sometimes you gotta cheer for the other kid. Sometimes you don't get to throw the ball. Sometimes you don't. Sometimes you strike out and you cost your team the game. It's a good thing because it teaches children restraint and it teaches them to have expectations that are proper. So restrain your children, hold them to standards, correct them when they're doing wrong,

reward them when they're doing right. So that's pulling them back. You also need to point your children toward the gospel. Listen, I could give you a list of 50 books to read and podcasts to listen to and make your head spin. They're out there, they're not even that hard to find. Here's the difference between raising your children in the Lord and pointing them toward the gospel and failing at that. Here's the difference. It's living it out at home. That's it, man. It's not about being perfect. We'll talk about that and I'm gonna get to that. I swear, I keep saying that. But it's just living as a Christian at home, just letting them see you pray, letting them see you read the Bible. Read the Bible with them. Repent in front of your children. Go to the Lord and say, Lord, I should have done this better. I'm sorry, I need your forgiveness. Let your children see that.

Let them hear that. Let them ask you questions about that. There's nothing wrong with that. If you have a relationship with your child where you can't do wrong in front of them, then that's your problem. That's actually bad parenting. That doesn't teach children how to understand failure, how to understand shortcoming. Participate in church, in a service. Be generous to the Lord. Read your Bible together out loud. If your children are really young, I would recommend the Jesus Storybook Bible. It's a great Bible to read with your children. It's awesome. If they're a little older, man, just use the Bible we use here, man. We use English Standard Version, okay? It's cool. You wanna pick a different version, that's fine. As long as it's not Hawaiian Pigeon Version, it's cool. That's an actual version. Don't look it up now. Look it up later, okay? Have some restraint. Have some restraint.

Don't look it up now. You need to point your children toward the gospel by just living it out in front of them. You can only explain so much, and children are gonna do what you do, not just do what you say. In fact, they're gonna do a lot more what you do than what you say, okay? They're gonna imitate you. Point your children to the gospel. So, restrain them, point them to the gospel, and then let them fly over and over.

Look, no parent, well, most parents are never ready to let go, but your children's maturity demands it. You're never ready to let them go, but your children's maturity demands it, okay? They need to do things on their own. So, here's my encouragement. This is just kind of some free advice. Even when they're younger, have them make their own food. Have them wash their own clothes. Have them clean their own bathroom. Have them mop the floor. Have them sweep the house. Have them do, the reason I'm telling you that is not to torture your children, even though it will feel like torture to them. I see you, buddy. It's not torture, I promise. That is the smile of a child who has cleaned a bathroom, I'm telling you. Okay, that's good. Look, it's important to do that. It's important to do that because adulting doesn't need to be scary. They need to learn how to order their own food.

They need to be pushed out a little bit, okay? Time will come when they will want to be all the way out, but you gotta start even earlier than that and helping them do things on their own and reaping those consequences, good or bad. That's a good thing to do, to help your children understand that what they do matters. What they do is going to play out in real life with consequences that affect not just them, but other people. Like, that's just called adulting, man. And the ways that you can do that with your children even early, even bits at a time, is going to be helpful to them, okay?

Parents, this is also helpful. Somebody told me this a long time ago. It's really, really helpful. In your lifespan of being a parent, you will move from complete authority to, like an authority figure, excuse me, like your relationship will be authoritarian, is what I mean. And you will move into, by the time they're leaving the house, you will move into an advisor role, okay? If you try to clamp down on a 17-year-old as a complete authoritarian, okay, it's not. It doesn't usually work that well, okay? Every 17-year-old's different, but it doesn't usually work that well. What you need to understand is that by the time they're 17, you're an advisor. You're putting your arm around them and you're saying, let's talk about how that series of decisions played out. Let's look at it together. Like, let's talk it through. Look, if you have a 16-year-old right now, 17-year-old, if you got an older teenager right now,

here's my recommendation. And this is what Daniel Oster's mom did with him, and I think it's genius. Every week, she would make him take a walk with her. And as Daniel tells the story, he hated it. He hated every walk he took. It would just be so frustrating. But as they walked, his mom's name is Cindy. As they walked, Cindy would just have questions for him, just small questions. Sometimes they'd talk a lot, sometimes they'd talk a little. But Daniel learned how to work through things in conversation because his mom took him on walks. It's not a bad idea. If you got an older teenager, just take him on walks. Once a week, don't make it weird. But just go once a week, okay? And just talk with him. It's a good thing.

It's okay to put your children in a situation where they need to grow, where they're gonna be frustrated, where maybe they're even gonna fail. Maybe they're even gonna kinda crash out a little bit. Give them time to fight through it. Let them fail and sit and look at it and think about it for days. It's okay. Your children are fallible sinners just like you.

And when you're on the other side of the decision, the decision always seemed easier, right? You're like, man, childhood wasn't that hard whenever I was a kid. You're like, okay, man, you know, cool. Yeah, it's hard, okay? It is, it's hard, it's still hard. It was hard when you were a kid, it's gonna be hard for them. It's just hard. If you can find a way to sympathize and listen, that's gonna be helpful.

Lastly, what about protection? We're talking about taking kids and putting them in a bow and just letting them fly over and over again. Okay, what about protection? Because we do need to talk about that too. If we're all just sending our kids to the ghetto and we're like, yeah, you'll figure it out. You'll learn how to fight as a five-year-old. Okay, sure, but we need to maybe think a little bit more in terms of protection. Because parents are training their children according to the world as it should be, but they should also train them for the world as it is.

We're doing it for how the world should be, and that's fine. We need to give our children ideals. We will actually give our children our ideals, even if we don't try that hard. However, we also need to train them for the world as it is. This is why a few verses later, we start talking about warfare. Look at Ephesians 6, 10, and 11. It says, finally, be strong in the Lord and the strength of his might. Put on the whole army or God that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.

If you know me, you know I don't get to fear mongery that often. I don't talk about things that are scary or that we need to be scared or anything like that. I will make a giant exception right now. We live in a world where demonic things are covered in glitter. You said it, buddy. We live in a world where things that are unhealthy are promoted and given a spotlight. We live in a world where ease is celebrated over diligence and faithfulness. We live in a world where when things get hard, you move on and you don't talk to people after that. Where the goal of life is fame and or money. Both are better. This is the world that we live in. This is the world our kids are growing up in. In some ways, it's never changed. Maybe you've gotten more used to it. Here's how verse 12 puts it. Ephesians 6, 12, for we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers,

against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Look, look, you are not wrestling against your kids' coach when they don't start them. That's actually not who you're wrestling with. You're not wrestling against the teacher who's not doing their job particularly well and helping your child. That's not who you're wrestling. You're not wrestling against your children whenever they are defiant or belligerent toward you or disrespectful. You're not fighting them. And children, you're actually not fighting against your parents. All of that is just this veneer. We are wrestling against an entire cosmic machine enterprise

that is bent on distraction, destruction, and death. Period. We cover all of that. They cover all of that with a thin veil of morality, of do what's right, or kindness matters, or love is love, or whatever kind of slogan you wanna slap on top of that. It is a world that covers demonic things in glitter. How do we train our children to live well in that world? Because that's the world that's real. That's the struggle. I've heard it said, life is war. It's true. Sometimes it's more than that. And those are the great times. Whenever life is more than war, but it's nevertheless. Ever, ever. Spiritual warfare is happening whether you know it or not. You are getting shot down whether you acknowledge it or not. How do we train our children to live well in that world without rejecting it as a place that they've been sent to? Without just kind of going with the flow and becoming numb to it,

without becoming indifferent toward it. How do we train them? This is why I wanna end with God's armor. Because like arrows, like arrows, your kids are sent into this world, man. They're gonna leave your place. And they're either gonna have a high trajectory, or they're just gonna kinda limp out of the bow. But if you can pull them back, and if you can let them go, they can be sent well into this world. Parents, your children are sent. And so here's where we have 14 and 15, Ephesians 6, 14 and 15. And I know there's more armor here. We're just gonna cover these two because of time. It says, stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. Okay, we got three pieces of armor there. It's really helpful for you and children.

And also, I've not said this, but it's also helpful for you and grandchildren, okay? If you are a grandparent here today, you have influence over your children's lives. In fact, in a study, and I cannot remember the study at this moment, the number three, so number two is like, the number one thing that helps people come to faith, help kids come to faith, is a parent who, just one, who is walking out the Christian life in front of them. Okay? Number two is like a close family friend who's also doing that, okay? Number three is a grandparent who does it.

One grandparent who does it. So to know that you have that kind of influence, I think, can be helpful. Okay, let's talk about it. Let's talk about the belt of truth. Let's call it the tool belt of truth, okay? Tool belts, the truth has a lot to it. We've discussed it already with kind of reading the Bible with your children, but also just talk about things that might be confusing to them when you're going on that walk, just say like, hey, is anything frustrating you? Anything I can pray for or anything like that? And you are discerned, you're helping them discern between what's true and what's false. You're helping them discern the things that they need to arm themselves with. Tool belt of truth. Second, Kevlar vest of righteousness, or breastplate, we don't really know what a breastplate is, but we do know what a Kevlar vest is. A Kevlar vest of righteousness, look,

if I could tell you, if I could tell you one thing, parents, to pass on to your children, okay? I would say it this way, aside from scripture, I would always give scripture before I would give anything I would say. But if I could pass this on, righteousness, AKA right standing with God, is about confession, not perfection. Let me say it again. Righteousness, which is defined as right standing before God, righteousness is about confession, not perfection. In other words, the only perfection that's going to save you is Jesus's perfection, okay? Not yours, not your moral uprightness, not some standard that you somehow measure up to or anything like that, that doesn't save you. It doesn't make you righteous. It doesn't put you right before God. You know what does put you right before God? When you confess your sin and you humbly come before Him, in your children's spiritual development,

if they are going to have a Kevlar vest of righteousness, then they need to understand what actual righteousness is. And I realize we are in Burleson, Texas, where righteousness is very often confused with being a cowboy. I get that, but we need to understand that if you are gonna be righteous, it has nothing to do with tipping your hat and opening doors for people. If you're gonna be righteous, it's gonna begin with you confessing your sin to other people, to your wife, to your husband, to your friends, and sometimes in front of your children, sometimes to your children. You ever mess up in a big way and your children are receiving the absolute brunt into that? It is more than good. It's holy for you to come before your children and say, look, I messed up this way and I'm sorry and I'm repenting before God, but I wanted to confess it to you. Boy, howdy. You wanna help your kids understand

what righteousness is? Start there. That's what I would tell parents. The Kevlar vest of righteousness, it's not your perfection. It's Jesus's. We put on Jesus's perfection whenever we are confessional, whenever we understand. Lastly, the running shoes of discipling or evangelism, gospel of peace right here. Your children need to learn to disciple other people. I realize that if we're gonna start talking about growing in the faith, it's an absolutely necessary part of maturing as a Christian. However, it's where a lot of people stop. A lot of people don't understand that in order to grow in their faith,

it's really not about making a church service and singing loud. That's great. But if you're gonna grow in your faith, then you need to understand that you were gifted and equipped to disciple other people. And this isn't like, we're not talking about selling Amway or anything weird. We're not talking about a pyramid scheme. We're not talking about anything like that. We're talking about how when Jesus came to this earth, he discipled 12 guys and sent them out. Why? So that they would disciple other people. As people are discipled, they are walking in the kingdom of God. They are receiving healing. They are growing in their faith. They are becoming more whole. That is what we are called to help people do. Your Christianity does not exist for you alone.

And it doesn't exist for your children alone. Theirs doesn't exist for them alone. We need to help our kids understand that there's a vision greater than them having a good life. And that is the kingdom of God that we are all a part of, that we're all growing toward, that will outlast you, me, and all of our children. The kingdom of God is worth sacrificing for. The kingdom of God is worth walking in. It's worth training our children in. It's worth spurring them on. I wanna end with this. Our encouragement this morning, your encouragement, my encouragement this morning as a parent, is that Jesus is at work. That sometimes, whenever we start talking about parenting, I watch a lot of regret wash over parents of just things that they should've done. And it doesn't matter if the parents are like 21 or 85.

It can be a shame-filled endeavor of just thinking that you should've done better the whole time. I get that. But this is our encouragement that Jesus is at work and that he has not quit calling you as a parent or a child. That he's calling you to come to him in the midst of this, sometimes even on the occasion of this. And so as we sing, as we are about to pray, I want you to just be honest before the Lord and just put what's in front of you, put it in front of him. What's weighing on you, just give it to him.

Let's pray. Lord, thank you for giving us parents and children, for making us parents and children. Thank you for all that you're doing, that you're calling us into in the midst of it. As we try to figure out what our calling is, as we try to figure out kind of what our next step is, how do we love our kids in the midst of this? How do we become or act like Christians when we feel so self-conscious in the first place? Lord, give us strength, give us hope. Let us listen to you. Let us understand that it is your calling that we don't have to make it up, but that you wanna call us into that.

You want us to have children that are raised in the discipline and the instruction of the Lord. You wanna have fathers that don't provoke their children to anger. You wanna have healed families where parents can confess sin, parents can repent, where kids can repent, kids can confess. Lord, I pray over our families now that you would bring healing and restoration, that you would build in good habits, that you would help them experience freedom in you. It's your name that we pray, amen.